Now a days the Pakistan's entire political, Military, ISI and terrorist establishments are happy because of "Swine Flu", the disease caused by the deadly H1N1 virus. Doesn't it sound like the name of an absurd National Highway situated in some part of India? "Mudde ki baat yeh hai ki" (the point is that) Pakistan is happy that they no longer require trained "Suicide Bombers", "Jihadis" and "Weapons of Mass destruction" to carryout terrorist activities in India. Now the H1N1 Virus can solve their purpose of spreading terrorism in India. This new type of terrorism can be called H1N1 terrorism or Swine Flue terrorism or you can give any name to it according to your "Samajhdari and convenience". The least Pakistan will have to do is to send "Suicide Bombers", not with loaded AK47 and weapons but infected with H1N1 virus. These suicide swine terrorists need no guarding and vigilance. They can enter India on a valid passport and visa or via some sea route in the guise of Aam Admi and can infect as many people as they want. They can empty out buildings (even like World Trade Center) in seconds by just announcing the name of Swine Flu virus. The under pressure Indian government may feel the pinch and will have to draft another, badly drafted, joint statement with Pakistan suggesting that India will no longer hold talks with Pakistan till it stops spreading H1N1 in Indian territory. Infact Pakistan can export this deadly Swine weapon to Al-Qaeda and other international terrorist outfits. No "DRONE" attack can kill H1N1 virus and world's "Big DADA" America will have to devise new tactics to tackle Swine Flu Terrorism.
Above mentioned paragraph is "Thetherlogy" (A popular Bihari word used for Absurd and Rubbish talking. People indulge in compiling words for Oxford dictionary can consider this important etymology for the upcoming edition of the dictionary) on a deadly virus spreading rapidly across the world and even claming innocent lives. But "Apni to Aadat hai Baal Ka Khaal Nikaalne KI". So do you know how Swine got flu and virus? Very simple, One day when clouds declined to rain and our beloved sun decline to lower the intensity of heat on earth, one swine decided to go to McDonalds and have a chilled cold drink with yummy cheese pizza and ice-cream. The day was very hot and the swine sitting at the centrally comfort AC zone of McDonalds ate in a hurry and caught flu. The swine was bedridden for almost 10 days with heavy headache, backache, breathlessness and fever. Now I won't tell you where this "Swinepuran" happened. The swine was to attend the famous show "Sach Ka Saamna" (Dare to Speak Truth). Though at the time of this show (which has even terrorized our MPs and Ministers and they had a half day debate on the show in the parliament) the swine was feeling slightly better and doctor has advised not to eat western Junk Food with cold drink and ice-cream. The first question in the show for the swine was, "Do you really feel proud when people call you swine in English and become very upset when they call "SUAR" in Hindi"? The moment the host of the show asked this question to the swine and the swine started crying in front of the cameras. It became breaking news on most of the news channels. Even Rakhi Sawant was not as emotional on her dramatic wedding day (Shadi hi nahi hui bawli ki, abhi bhi time mangti hai...ladke ka time aacha chal raha hai...hee ..hee..) as the swine was after hearing the first question on the show. The swine did not want to continue on the Hot Seat. The entire cast and crew of the show got terrified. The swine had decided to jeopardy the show. But the intelligent host of the show got the trick. He offered a Rumal (hanky) to the swine and requested to tell the truth to the world.
The swine started its "Shoshanpuran" (the story of exploitation). Yes I feel proud when people call me Swine. It's a very attractive name. But these Indians have degraded my name. They call me "SUAR". Your very own popular "GUNDA" "GABBAR SINGH" started the trend of using my name as slang. Recall the scene of SHOLAY, when Gabbar called his own men "SUAR KE BACHCHON". That very day caused a great embarrassment to the entire swine community. People started using our name as slang and we became a subject of hatred. The swine left the show and once again ate all those things that the doctor has advised not to eat. The swine once again got the deadly Flu and started infecting other swines. It spread from one swine to another and finally to human being. But HI RI Kismat..., instead of giving the credit of swine flu to the swine itself, the scientist community named the virus H1N1. No credit to the swine. It aggravated the ire of the swine and the final wrath fall on human being.
Now the entire world is facing the problem of H1N1 and some people in India are calling it "SUAR FLU". After listening a lot about Swine flu, an uneducated Indian in some part of rural India asked its educated counterpart, "Yaar Yeh Swine Kaya Hota Hai." The educated one answered, "Gambhir Beemari hai Bhai. Paschim ki den hai jo Bharat mai aa gaie hai. Duniya bhar ke SUARON ne insano ke khilaf jung ka eaalan kar diya hai (Its a very critical disease brother. It is because of westernization of our culture. The swines in the world have started a jihad against the mankind). But the swine flu has come along with a lot of benefits. Though the symptoms of swine flu are different and much more severe than common cold or influenza but people are exploiting these symptoms for their own benefits. The government in India has advised people to get them tested even if they are suffering from common cold or routine viral. Some people believe that it is deadly than HIV virus. So the moment some one sneezes or shows the signs such as bodyache, headache, he or she is quarantined. People in offices are making petty excuses in front of their reporting heads or HR-heads, "I am sneezing and coughing, want a half day leave or for a day or two. I may be suffering from H1N1 and do not want to infect others". That's the simple way to get leave.
The cosmetic industry is calculating losses which they might suffer due to this swine flue. The losses are in millions. Are you confused? Not getting the answer? Aare Yaar, Simple hai. When people will use masks on their faces to counter the infection of swine flu, especially girls, then applying cream and cosmetics would be of no use. Swine flu has also put a restriction on Handshake. Now people are using the old methods of greeting each other. The Indian methods such as Namaste, Aadab (these gestures do not require handshake and hence infection of H1N1 can be checked. The Rakhwalas of Bharatiya Sanskriti are very happy with swine flu. Now people are realizing the importance of Indian culture. People are advised not to attend public meetings and avoid public places such as malls, cinema halls and theaters. So the swine flu has started taking a toll on Indian economy also. This is why Pakistan is so happy with the emergence of Swine Flu. It can cause great damage to the people in India and also to their giant economy. But the bad news for them, India will come up with the vaccine of H1N1 in a month or two. Baba Ramdev has also geared his resources to tackle H1N1. The fight is on; let's see who wins the battle, "The Swine" or "The Mankind."
Santosh Kumar Pandey
Editor, Drishtee