I would have never understood the real meaning of the word "Faith", had I not come to Delhi University for pursuing a career in Journalism & Media Management.
It was the winters of year 2004, and cold had engulfed the whole city. The temperature at times dipped down to almost 4 or 5 degree Celsius. I was at my room watching some stupid "breaking news" on television. The news was so stupid that I switched off the television and started operating my new mobile "Nokia 2100." In those days, keeping a hand phone (mobile) was more than a luxury, and for a student, it was not even thought of. But for me, there was a different story behind this piece of luxury being in my hands.
It was my mother, who is no more now, who forced me to purchase a mobile. Reason was very simple, she was skeptical about the "Delhiwali Ladkiyan." So, thanks to Delhi' Girls that I was forced to buy a mobile phone. But let's see how we connect with "Faith" in this real story.
My mother stayed in Patna with my younger brother and father. I was her dolly darling and she was my best friend. We use to share a very interesting and special relationship. She always uses to share the details of her financial savings with me. Even my father and my younger brother were not aware of some of those savings. She said she could tell me all that as she had "Faith" on me.
"Faith", - has been a huge trouble maker yet so responsible word around me. My mother knew, I would never cheat anyone. She had 'faith' on me. A mother understands her child better than anyone else in the world. But I don't know why her big faith used to diminish when it came to "Girls" around me. She was a typical housewife with "centuries old concepts and beliefs of INDIAN TRADITION” - like, 'A son must marry according to his parent's choice of girl. He must not cross the boundaries and strong clutches of society.' In other words inter-caste marriage was the greatest sin in her dictionary of feelings.
She was never in cross opposition to the idea of a love marriage but was almost a Hitler when it came to people who had inter-caste marriages. And as I did my schooling, graduation and post-graduation under her able guidance, Friendships with girls remained taboo for me during – at least till I was studying. I had no sisters but my Mother always had a dream of having a girl child for her.
She had Faith on me. I assured her of marrying only the girl recommended by her; otherwise remain an "Eligible Batchelor" for the whole life. I beg her to have "Faith" on me. But I am sorry. I couldn't keep her faith intact. Not only did I opt for love marriage, but also a girl who was neither a Bihari nor a UPwali. Though, my "to-be bride" had all arguments ready in support of her being from Bihar but I still consider her an outsider. The main thing is that I betrayed my mother's "Faith." Yet she was happy; In fact very happy with my decision of love marriage and interestingly with the selection of my "to-be bride."
One day, one of my college friends came to my house in Patna. I was preparing for my Delhi stay at the personally rented accomodation for studies. In fact it just had happened that due to social pressures I had started looking for a job option and was thinking to go and join a government clerical job. My father was aware of my interest in writing and journalism. He simply asked me, would you like to "kill" the writer inside you; simply by becoming a government clerk. Becoming a clerk might be something which gives some security to you or benefit for future but I would be ashamed of you if the writer and the creative instincts inside you are "murdered" in front of our eyes.
My father showed me the way to success that I had completely forgotten. My mother also supported Dad. She too wan6ted me to pursue a career in Journalism. She had "Faith" on me. But this "Bloody Faith" was going to haunt both of us very soon.
Listening to many friends and family talking about the kind of girls, one would meet with in Delhi, I was made to take an oath in front of God's statues, that I would keep up to my promises.
My father had deposited enough amounts in my bank account. I was about to leave. She asked everyone to get out of her room. She had to discuss something with me. She gave me six thousand rupees and requested me to buy a mobile phone immediately after landing in Delhi. That will enable her to be in contact with me; every time, any time, whenever she wanted. Then the final blow came. "Please my son, never try to betray me. I have full "faith" in you.
I ended up with an assurance to her of marrying only the girl being recommended by her; otherwise remain a "Batchelor" for the whole life. I pleaded her to have "Faith" on me. But today I feel sorry as I couldn't keep her faith intact.
The destiny had decided something for me quite earlier on and both of us, My Mother and myself, did not even have a hint of it. Few years passed by, I met many people and..... the sequence of events brought me to a spot where I not only landed up opting for a love marriage, but that too with a girl who was neither a Bihari nor a UPwali.
Though, my "to-be bride" had all arguments ready in support of her being from Bihar but we still knew she had lived all her life outside Bihar. And somehow the feeling of betrayal was not there as my Mother was very happy with my wedding and especially with the choice of my "wife to-be." The feeling later on crept in when I saw an encouter of faith! My mother - she was breathing some of her last breaths, when we somehow came up with a discussion on how I got married – and how it was an encounter of our "FAITHs." I told her (she was suffering from caner and it was her last day in this world before she left us) that – why she was leaving us when she too had promised to live with us, till her grandchild becomes a father. I remind her that she too had encountered my Faith. My faith that she will never leave me alone. She laughed and gave a reply. Her reply was very simple "you broke my faith and I had to do it for yours. Hamar Tumhara Hisab Barabar (our equations are now equal).”
Santosh Kumar Pandey,
Editor, Drishtee